Where's Mary Poppins When You Need Her?

As I browsed through my email this afternoon, my two oldest children were lying on the living room floor watching Mary Poppins.  She is one of their "favorite people in the world" and they have often discussed the idea that if I were ever unable to take care of them for a week or two Mary Poppins would be their first pick for a nanny.  Despite her stern demeanor and no-nonsense approach to childish indiscretions, they appreciate the order she brings to the Banks' home and the change brought to the children's behavior through her tough love.

As they laughed at the antics of Bert and the Banks children, I clicked open a document from our local park district giving me some forms to fill out for an outdoor class my children will be attending later this summer.
As I printed the forms and began filling out some information about Sierra, I was dismayed to come across the page entitled Program Behavior Policy.
The page started out promisingly enough.  "In the event that a child's behavior becomes excessive and inappropriate, the following behavior plan will be implemented."  The email went on to list several actions that would be considered inappropriate behavior:  running off, not participating, verbal abuse aimed at others, physically harming others, tantrums lasting more than 15 minutes, etc.  Keep in mind that this class is not for 2 year olds.  These are actions forbidden to 5-8 year olds.  So, yes, I would assume that such misdemeanors would be grounds for some sort of disciplinary action.

Oh, but wait.  My bad!  How dare I assume that such outbursts be labeled as naughty or needing any sort of disciplinary action?!  The email went on to assure me that if the child does not follow the previous guidelines they will be gently removed from the program and a parent/guardian will be called to pick them up early.  "This is NOT a disciplinary measure and will not be conveyed in that way to the child.  The child obviously is having a difficulty that day, and to remain in our program that day would be a negative experience for him or her."  Poor little Johnny.  It could only be a difficult day that would cause such troubling behavior from all of our fragile little angels and, heaven forbid, the poor little guy be made to endure such torture as a time out or being forced to finish the class.  Perhaps an ice cream cone and a nice afternoon at the county fair with Mom would help cheer the little guy up.

The following page asked for some personal information about each child in order to provide a "positive program experience for your child..." 

Question # 1:  When upset, my child responds best to....
Question # 2:  My child may be frightened by....
Question #3:  Is there anything else you would like us to know about your child?

I'm so tempted to respond with the following:

Answer # 1:  .....a spanking.
Answer # 2: ....the the idea that you might call me to come pick them up for negative behavior.  There will be no ice cream or county fairs on the way home!
Answer # 3:  They thrive on disciplinary measures.

No, I don't really want a stranger spanking my children.  And, yes, a child can definitely act out on difficult days.  My own little angel has been known to give in to major meltdowns at inappropriate times due to missed naps or delayed lunches.  However, a gentle reprimand or brief removal from the situation can work wonders. 

Just ask Mary Poppins.  Oh, and sorry kids, doesn't look like you'll be getting Mary Poppins as camp counselor this year.  Better luck next summer.