The Case for Rebellion

THE CASE FOR REBELLION

While driving home from the grocery store today, I had was listening to Dennis Prager (pragerradio.com).  He is a favorite talk show host of mine and always seems to give me something interesting to think about.  Today was his "Ask Me Anything" hour and someone called in with the question of why teens and college students do not revolt against the "system" like they did in the 60's.  After all, isn't that what kids this age are supposed to do?  It turns out that, yes, this is what they are supposed to to do, and, according to Prager, this is a good thing.  I found his answer insightful.



His answer was something along these lines:  A child will rebel against the "system" (professors, parents, etc.) only if they uphold values that promote morality and wisdom.  Many young people in high school and universities find themselves surrounded by those on the left, people who tell them exactly what they want to hear.  They are encouraged to see themselves as entitled, relatively good, and free to express themselves at will.  Not a lot to argue against there.  Young people in the 60's, however, found themselves up against those who still promoted morals and the idea that honoring your parents, going to church, and obeying the ten commandments were laws to be abided by.

Dennis Prager went on to say the privilege of having something to rebel against gives a young person on the verge of adulthood something off of which to launch themselves into their futures.  Like a boat, he explained.  A boat attempting to launch off of an unanchored dock would find itself in a difficult position.  However, a well-anchored dock gives that same boat the ability to launch.  As parents, we need to be the anchored dock.  Watching our children go through a rebellious stage cannot be an easy thing, but it probably lets us, as parents, know that we have done something right.  A kid who can't wait to leave home is not going to be the pot-smoking, 20-something adult who lives in the basement while Mom launders his underwear. 

During my journey as a parent, I have sometimes found it hard to be the anchored mom.  I have been surprised by the lack of support I have received for making my children obey, for not giving in to their tears, and for making them apologize for their wrong doings.  Although I often receive complements on how well-behaved my children are, when I attempt to discipline them people generally jump in and try to ease their consequences. ( "Oh, that's okay.  She doesn't need to say thank you.  Go ahead and let her keep the cookie.")  When other mothers give in to their child's  tears and pleas for the package of Oreo's and leave with a happy child while I drag my sobbing, disappointed offspring from the store, it seems perhaps the less-rigid approach would be the more pleasant way of parenting.

Then I encounter those teenagers who are not given the chance to rebel.  These are the kids whose parents constantly defend their child's deviant behavior with the excuse that "kids will be kids" while the children continue to make unwise choices that will affect their futures in negative ways (drug addictions, teen pregnancies, dishonesty, obesity, etc.).  As these children attempt to "launch" they often find themselves unable to gain the foothold they need to do so.

Prager's boat analogy made a lot of sense to me today.  When it may seem easier to be my child's friend rather than anchored parent, I will try to remember that I need to be the solid launching point.  My children need to be confronted with the idea that they are sinners around whom the world does not revolve and the ten commandments are still relevant for today.  I may not be the most popular mom on the block in years to come, but I pray that I will be the mother my children need to propel them into a productive and independent adulthood.